I’m a Jew, Are You?

Stolen Mummies

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Poems from a tribal perspective…

Selected poems written from the Lupert perspective inspired by (and sometimes loosely so) the experience of being Jewish. Includes the humorous classics “I Come From Eastern Europe (I’ve got so much body hair, it’s not even funny)” and “Debbie Friedman The Cat.” Rick Lupert has been sharing these poems with delighted audiences for years.


Poetry from I’m a Jew, Are You?


The Poet

The poet
got up to read
took off all his clothes
read naked

I could tell right away
he wasn’t Jewish


Sasquatch Comes to Seder

I invited Sasquatch to Seder
He said “Don’t you think I’ll
weird people out what with
all the fur and the
big feet?”

I answered “Nah,
we’re Reform.”


Jesus, We’re Coming Home

I
Group of Jews in Christian camp
Rented for weekend
mountains
snow
In stone amphitheater
crucifix embossed on
cold stage ground
Jesus,
are you buried
here too?
Remember Jerusalem
Church of Holy Sepulcher
True burial place?
Jesus has network of
underground tunnels
Can rise anywhere he wants
Not that we believe
that sort of thing.

II
The Christian caretakers
are so hospitable they’d
convert if we asked them

III
Christian Steve shovels
dirt and snow
cleaning the way as if
we’re the second coming

IV
Christian Steve communicates with
others via walkie talkie
“Steve,
come in.
This is Jesus,
Your Savior,
breaker breaker.”
“Yes Lord,
This is Steve”
“We need more Mr. Pibb
in the dining hall” says Jesus
“I’m on my way
oh Heavenly Master.”

V
Steve has passed the shoveling off
to a Jewish volunteer.
The Jew sings
“Workin’ all night
master’s got me shovelin’
ARGH”
We are Jews
in a Christian camp
singing Negro spirituals
like Pirates.
One world, one people.

VI
At the Christian camp
there is an unlimited refill soda bar.
Clearly, they are
not Buddhists.

VII
We post Israeli flags along
the Christian camp entry road.
It doesn’t matter.
Come Sunday we’ll have to
withdraw from this land too.