Armpits of the Holy – My New Free Poetry E-book

Armpits of the Holy
Wow…my new e-book, “Armpits of the Holy”, was downloaded 138 times in the Poetry Super Highway e-book Free-For-All. Sorry if ya missed it, but join my email list using the form to the right and get yourself a free copy. (Rumor has it if you join my email list you’ll also get a free copy of my previous e-book “Don’t Blame Canada” too.)

“I Am From Ork” – My new FREE Poetry E-book

I Am From Ork - Poetry E-book by Rick Lupert
Check out my latest FREE Poetry E-book “I Am From Ork”, poems written in late 2013-2014 including the title poem for Robin Williams along with other pieces for Pete Seeger, Leonard Cohen and more. Download it for free HERE.

Finally “Matzah” get’s it’s own epic poem.

An epic poem about Matzah. Written for Craig Taubman’s “Downtown Seder” at the Pico Union Project, April 2014. If you need the text for any reason here’s a PDF.

New Poem “Vayigash” Chosen by Limmud for Weekly “On One Leg” Project

Thanks so much to Limmud‘s “On One Leg” project for including my new poem “Vayigash” for this week’s Torah Portion  in their weekly emailing! Check out a video of me reading the poem below along with the text here: http://limmud.org/publications/limmudononeleg/5774/vayigash/#another

How to Kiss

I

Locate someone other than yourself.
Make sure they have lips.

II

Find out if the person you’ve located is agreeable to kissing.
You can do this any way you want, except for asking.

III

Make sure you have your lips with you.
Nothing is more embarrassing than moving to kiss someone
and realizing you’ve left your lips at home or in the car.
Unless you happen to be in the car,
where you can slyly move to adjust the radio,
slapping on your lips during the confusion.

IV

Tell the person their eyes make you want to do gymnastics,
or at least be present where gymnastics are being done.

V

Touch the hand.
Any Hand.
Not your own hand.

VI

Lean your head forward at a slight angle (such as fifteen degrees)
so your foreheads will connect first
as if you’re attempting a Vulcan mind meld.
If your minds actually begin to meld MILK IT.

VII

Slowly re-angle your head so your lips become parallel with his or hers.
Practice this ahead of time using a protractor.

VIII

Allow your lips to make contact with the other lips
BUT DON’T MOVE THEM.
Remain completely still for twenty eight minutes
or until you hear an electronic beeping
indicating it is time to move to step nine.
This time may vary depending on political climate
and lip gloss.

IX

Repeat steps five through eight.

X

Clear your head
so the only thing you can focus on
is a PBS special on the Beaver.

XI

Begin moving your lips in a slow up and down fashion,
varying with left and right motions every fifteen seconds.

XII

Force your tongue through your subject’s lips and teeth.
Fight past their tongue.
Charge forward until you reach the uvula.
Kissing is just an intimate game of Capture the Uvula.

XIII

Abandon all tenderness
with reckless nibbling
of anything fleshy you encounter.

XIV

Congratulations!
You are now kissing.

XV

Imagine life as a Frenchman.